25. (5 votes)
A man who was hopelessly fat
befriended a hungry old rat
"Eat me thinner, Rat Pard!"
But the rat ate no lard,
and the man remained stuck where he's at.
         Martin Maier Houston, Texas

26. (13 votes)
A scheming young bachelor named Pete
found lots of new women to meet:
he courted "The Lonely,"
running ads for "For Wives Only,"
and signed-off, "Masseur Discreet."
         Martin Maier Houston, Texas

23. (15 votes)
A queen named Marie is now dead
Because someone cut off her head
'Twas not a nice sight
But rather a fright
She had asked, "Was it something I said?"
         Deena Trouten (Juno address only)

1. (8 votes)
A nice little girl named Ivanna
Was learning to play the piannnna
But she sounded so bad
That they sent her (how sad!)
To play solo way out in Montana!
         Ivana Scarpa, Laramie, Wyoming

2. (13 votes)
One morning just before eight,
I phoned work to say I'd be late.
"Your lost is my gain,"
said my boss with disdain.
"I'm holding back half your payrate."
         Jeff Bagley (Hotmail address only)

3. (17 votes)
There once was a man who could rhyme
But not very well all the time,
He tried to rhyme coop,
With tire and goop,
And ended up out of his mind.
         Leon Blum, Houston

4. (16 votes)
It does no one good to eat fish,
If you can’t keep the thing on the dish,
You can struggle and strain
Till there’s pain in your brain
But you’re much better off with a knish.
         Leon Blum, Houston

5. (9 votes)
A limerick’s easy to make,
If you’re careful with words that you take,
If you start with Nantucket
You have to use bucket
And there’s no telling where you will end.
         Leon Blum, Houston

6. (17 votes)
A contest for limericks -- how jolly!
Good rhyming is more than mere folly.
The lines gotta scan,
it aint easy, man.
It's too hard for this bard, by golly.
         Marc Davis, Chicago

7. (11 votes)
There once was a boy named Sandy
Who loved to eat all sorts of candy
When he lost all his teeth
He said "what a relief --
Cause for Ju-ju Bears, gums are quite handy!"
         Celine Terrian, Helena MT

8. (15 votes)
There once was a girl from Japan
Who had a very dark tan.
But her face was quite pale.
And when asked, she said "Well --
It's all because of my fan!"
         Hazel d'Arc, Mistport

9. (3 vote)
There once was an old man named Brownie
Who's face was perpetually frowny
Everyone said
(With a bit of true dread)
Brownie is kind of a "Downy..."
         Gregg Bandor, Ketchican AK

10. (11 votes)
I once knew this girl named Cher
Who once had a nice head of hair.
"I brushed it," she said.
"Each night before bed.
Until my scalp was quite bare!"
         Rinoa Heartly, Dell City

11. (1 vote)
There was a boy loved T.V.
And one day he cried "Oh gee!"
"I'm getting so fat,"
"Oh dear," and "Oh drat."
"Silly, lazy old me!"
         Will Peatmeyer, Charleston, WV

27. (10 votes)
One religious Golden Retriever
was a singular sort of believer.
He fetched his own Bible,
sued detractors for libel,
and mauled all agnostic achievers.
         Martin Maier Houston, Texas

24. (7 votes)
In the shadow of a waxing moon
for my ex-lover I mournfully croon.
Early last May
was her wedding day.
She was a bride. I wasn't a groom.
         Jeff Bagley

12. (6 votes)
I really liked Lord of the Rings
In spite of the orcs, trolls, and things
That sneaked up in the dark
Beyond Gandalf's wand's spark.
WOW! Guess what the next episode brings!         Willis Baddel, El Paso, Texas

13. (8 vote)
While quietly waiting to graze,
An antelope caught a cat's gaze,
"Should I eat?" she then thought
"Then I might soon get caught,
And no more little antelopes raise."
         Leon Blum Houston

14. (18 votes)
A limerick writer is cursed,
With desire to rhyme every verse,
And it matters how long
Every word in the song
Or the end may be better or worse.
         Leon Blum Houston

15. (27 votes)
A rhymester named J. Ogden Nash
used to write these brief verses for cash.
He was also a punster,
a world renown funster,
and a writer with loads of panache.
         Marc Davis, Chicago

16. (19 votes)
If I could but write like J. Nash,
old scribbles of mine I would trash.
I'd compose brand new stuff,
without fat or fluff,
but with wit that would sparkle and flash.
         Marc Davis, Chicago

17. (12 votes)
I'd like to write poems for big money,
verse that is clever and funny.
But alas and alack,
I'm just a poor hack,
and I can't make this last line rhyme.
         Marc Davis, Chicago

18. (18 votes)
Our verse will be judged without bias.
By a jury of peers who will try us.
They'll ponder our poems
like critics and gnomes
and if verse comes to worse, they will fry us.
         Marc Davis, Chicago

19. (18 votes)
There once was a fellow named Dunn
And Dunn bought a very big gun
First he shot off his toes
Then he blew off his nose
And he said, "This is fun, but I'm done!"
         Nathan Scott, Rockledge FL

20. (12 votes)
An athlete who lived in Detroit
Was adept at throwing the quoit
When they cried, "You're so clever!"
He replied, "Hardly ever!
It's practice that makes me adroit!"
         Joe Ricketari, Cleveland OH

21. (9 votes)
I never was much good at chess
And my tennis game's really a mess!
From baseball to golf, all
My game skills are awful
But I really do know how to dress!
         Leonora Mellin-Simms, Vancouver

22. (9 votes)
Harry Potter's the one I like best
And Hermione's cute, and the rest,
And Ron was a star —
I even liked Voldemar!
(I just saw it, if you haven't guessed!)
         Willis Baddel, El Paso, Texas