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CHAPTER 47

Hope And Despair

      IT WAS a long walk, and Lucy was tired by the time she found the address she was looking for. And when she got there, the sight of it didn't make her feel any better.

      It was a run-down four-story building in a poor neighborhood. As she climbed the dirty steps to an entry littered with trash, she thought, "Well, at least he's not squandering the money." That was something, anyway.

      There was no name she recognized on the bank of broken mailboxes, but the front door stood ajar, so she went in. The deserted first floor hall smelled of old clothes and cigarette smoke. Following the cigarette scent through the hallway, she came out on the back stoop of the building where she discovered a shabby old man sitting on an overturned bucket, smoking a cigarette. Looking at the confusion of mops and rags scattered around him, she guessed that he was a cleaning man, or a janitor. She also thought he must be attached to the building in some way, because he appeared to have been sitting there since before the place was built.

      "Mister, can you help me find somebody?"

      He looked up at her. There was something white growing over the surface of one of his eyes.

      "I'm looking for someone who's staying here," Lucy said, "Two men, both very tall — and they've been here only a couple of days."

      He continued looking at her, but he said nothing and his expression did not change.

      She raised her voice a little. "Can you tell me which room they're in?"

      At that, the old man squinted up at her and made a sound that was not quite a word: "Wha—?"

      This was not very promising, but there was nobody else around that she could ask. So she persisted, raising her voice a little more. "Listen: two men." She held up two fingers. "And tall. Very tall." She measured with one hand as far above her head as she could reach, indicating "tall" in pantomime.

      He shrugged. "Nnnn-."

      "Yes, they are. They're staying here, and I have to find them. It's important."

      At that, the old man got up. He advanced toward Lucy, looked her up and down, and with a sly look he held out his hand.

      Lucy glanced down at the dirty palm, and she understood. Ah, this was a language everybody spoke; he wanted money before he told her.

      Only . . . all she had was her bus fare home. And that was pinned inside the top of her slip, where nobody could steal it.

      The two of them stared at each other. Then Lucy opened her purse and showed him her coin purse which had about forty cents in it. Then she showed him her empty wallet. Finally she opened up her paper sack and offered him her next-to-the-last stale sandwich.

      He looked at it doubtfully Then he reached for it, examined it suspiciously, and took a bite.

      The sandwich appeared to pass muster, because he nodded still chewing, and led her up two flights of dirty stairs and down a hallway where the lights were out at the far end.

      He stopped at a door that looked as if it had once been kicked in, pointed to it, nodded, and went away to finish eating Lucy's sandwich.

      Lucy looked at the door doubtfully.

      Had he misunderstood?

      Had she come to the wrong place? The woman she'd talked to on the phone at the record studio could have made a mistake. Or not told her the truth. And if this was not Gallatin's room — then it might contain anybody. Any kind of desperate character.

      Cold doubt set in. What was she doing here anyway? What business had she to come chasing all the way to Austin? What did she actually expect to accomplish? Oh, she ought to turn around and get out of this awful place — before it got dark for Heaven's sake!

      She stepped back from the door. And even if this was the right place . . . he probably wasn't here now. In which case, who knew when he'd come back, if ever. And what should she do in the meantime — stand around here till hell froze over? No. She should go home.

      And yet — she'd trusted him. And he stole from her!

      Anger banished doubt. Yes, he'd taken her money. Money she had to have to pay the beer man. She and Swan and Bobby had worked hard for that money, and it was theirs, not his. How could he have done such a thing! After he and Lucy had — had . . . well, dammit!

      All right — that was why she was here. So he wouldn't get away with it. Not scot-free! Not without knowing what she thought of a man who would cheat and lie to her, after letting her fall — yes, tell the truth! — after letting her fall in love with him. How dared he make love to her and then steal her money. She wouldn't stand for it.

      No. She would not. And so, tumbled along by a great gulleywasher of anger, Lucy lifted her fist and banged on the door.

      There was instant silence. It was as if every sound in the building had stopped. Even a distant radio, far upstairs, was switched off suddenly, as if the person who had been listening to it was now listening to the echoes of Lucy knock.

      And in that silence, Lucy grew timid again. What were they listening for? What kind of sounds did they expect to hear next, after somebody knocked on a door?

      She stood and waited, but nothing happened. "I was right. Nobody's there," she thought.

      But then, inside the room, something creaked, and a kind of thrilling shudder went through her. Somebody was in there, after all.

      And he didn't want to come to the door.

      For some reason, that made Lucy angry again. He wouldn't let her in? When he knew she was there? How dared he! How dared he not answer when she came to his door!

      So she balled up her fist and pounded again.

      And this time the door opened.

      And it was . . . oh! It wasn't Gallatin! It wasn't even Shark. It was some strange woman, who . . .

      No, for Heaven's sake. It wasn't just some woman, it was —. "Normalade!" Lucy cried out in astonishment. Whatever was Normalade doing here in Austin, Texas.

      Normalade looked equally surprised to see Lucy. She backed off, retreating into the room, and Lucy came right in after her, without being invited, first taking a good look at her to be sure she hadn't been mistaken. Because she looked so different — especially her hair, which was mounded up on her head into an immense, immobile mass, solid as pink marble. It made her look very fashionable, and rather odd.

      Normalade said, "How'd you find me? How'd you ever know we were here?" She seemed to think she was the one Lucy had come to find.

      Then it sank in: two tall men and a women. "Normalade! Did you come here with him? With Gallatin?"

      Normalade turned and went to sit in a battered armchair by the window. Her expression became very smug. "Well of course I did. He'd cute. And he's probably going to be rich and famous, too. Why wouldn't I come with him?"

      "Well because you're married to Bobby, that's why."

      Normalade sniffed. "What a dumb thing to say. I'm done with that lousy marriage — him sneaking around after Swan the whole time. Even the very same night I had my baby!"

      "Well that's not true. You know he was at Gene's party that night," Lucy said impatiently. "And anyway that's no reason for to be here in Austin, with — with some singer. Leaving your tiny baby at home. That's shameless. That's a scandal!"

      Normalade shrugged her little shoulders. "Who cares if it is. What the people in Los Nietos think doesn't matter to me — and as for Bobby, I'm through with him. You know he can't even get it up for me any more? Did you know that? It just lies there like a peanut, no matter what I do."

      "Normalade!" Shocked, Lucy went and closed the door, which had been standing open all this time. "You shouldn't say such things."

      "Well, it's true. What's more, he never was much good in bed. Or out of it. I really only wanted him because he was Swan's."

      Then, as if even now she was ashamed to admit having deliberately taken him away from her sister, she added quickly, "No, that's not the only reason. He was the best catch in town. And that tells you what that town is, doesn't it — when the most eligible man there is a petered-out cowboy like him, without a dollar in his pocket."

      She gave a scornful sniff. "But I'm through wasting my time on a man who's never going to amount to anything. Swan can have him back."

      "And what about your baby," Lucy demanded angrily, "Was he a waste of time too."

      "Oh come on, Lucy. How'm I going to keep a baby now. I got other things to do," Normalade answered irritably.

      "You mean you don't you care about him at all?"

      "Oh, I do, I guess. You know, at first, when Mama first named him Hero, I thought maybe he'd be something special," Normalade answered dreamily. Then, more briskly, "But I couldn't just sit around in that place waiting for him to grow up, could I? I was getting old there."

      Lucy looked around the shabby room — at the dirty window, the threadbare rug, the worn and dirty chair that Normalade was sitting in. She said weakly, "Normalade — I can't believe you're saying all this."

      "Well, believe it," Normalade snapped. "You don't know what it's like, getting up in the night all the time, and changing all those dirty diapers. Listen, if you're so crazy about that baby, you go change his diapers a while."

      "You're really telling me that you deserted your family because you were tired of changing diapers? That's the reason you left home? You're lying, Normalade. You just want to make Bobby crawl down here on his knees and beg you to come back to him. You're getting even."

      Normalade shook her head. "You got it wrong Lucy; I saw my chance to get out of there, and I took it. I really don't want Bobby now. I don't want anything from any of you, except for you all to go away and leave me alone."

      She looked as sober as Lucy had ever seen her. "Try to understand: I'm really special. And I've always known that. I don't have to settle for a life of cooking and serving beer to cowboys the way you do. Because a person like me can do better. I'm going to have the nice things in life while I'm still young and pretty enough to get them."

      As she spoke, Normalade smoothed down the tiny skirt she was wearing and held out one leg to look at her tall, high-heeled boots like an ad in a magazine, showing off the clothes. Then she held up her hands to show off her nail polish. "I got this special quality about me . . . people look at me, and pay attention to me. I can get whatever I want!"

      For a minute, Lucy couldn't answer. Finally she said, "That's the most shallow, silly thing I ever heard anybody say. And I'm shocked at you. Just shocked."

      Normalade looked at her without expression. "Good," she said. "I'm glad you feel that way."

      Then she got up out of her chair and walked over to where Lucy was standing. "What's more, I hope you really are shocked. Because I'd like to shock you. As a matter of fact, I want to make you feel something worse than that — I'd like you to feel really bad."

      Little and pretty as she was, she suddenly looked very dangerous. Her voice grew colder and colder. "You think I'm bad? Well, I think you're worse. No matter how hard I tried to be nice, you never gave me a chance. Ever since Bobby and I got married, all you ever cared about was your brother and your Uncle Bob and that damn bar. You never gave a thought to me, and what my life was like out there. All you wanted from me was help in the cooking and cleaning."

      "Well, I sure didn't get much of that," Lucy snapped back. "I was doing your washing and ironing on top of everything else I had to do. While all you ever did was sit around painting your nails."

      "Why in the hell should I do your housework." Normalade said angrily. "I'm never going to let somebody saddle me with that kind of life."

      Then, with narrowed eyes, "But that wasn't what got you mad. What you hated in me was that I was so pretty that your brother liked me better than he did you. And Tagg did, too. And everybody. That's always been how it was; that's why pretty women have it so hard! The men always try to take advantage, and the women are always jealous. And you sure proved it."

      Lucy said, "Jealous? Me? That's a black lie!"

      "Like hell it is! Listen — you always thought I was dumb, but you're the one that's dumb. You know that? Because I know where you're at, Lucinda Vance. And I put one over on you. Me, your dumb sister-in-law!"

      Normalade was blazing now; she could have seared meat with that look. "I got you good; I did to you exactly what Swan did to me: I took the man you wanted!"

      "You . . . what?"

      Normalade began stalking toward Lucy, purposeful as a cat after a bird. And Lucy began backing up. "You thought you were the queen bee around there, didn't you — but I saw you lookin' at him while he sang, and I just thought . . . 'Okay — now I know.' And I went right up and took him."

      She was glaring at Lucy as if she wanted to bite her! "And now, when you come slinking after him like some bitch dog in heat — well lookey here, honey, you're too late. Because I'm already here. And I got him, too."

      Normalade's expression was so fierce that Lucy actually felt afraid of her. "Listen Normalade," Lucy protested, "I never —"

      "Don't lie to me, Lucy Vance! I caught you looking at him, mooney-eyed. And I saw you crying when he was going to go. And now you know what it feels like to be the one who's out in the cold. So you can just sneak on home and think about what all you did to me. And then remember that I did you out of him. I got him now — and you can just get out."

      And at that point, very suddenly, all the things Normalade had been saying came together like a key in a lock. Lucy could almost hear them click.

      It must all be true. Gallatin had brought Normalade here with him. He'd been the one to pay for those boots and that little short skirt and that piled-up hairdo. And he'd paid for it all with Lucy's money!

      It had been Normalade he'd wanted all the time.

      Yes, think, Lucy! When you saw him naked that first time, it was Normalade's window he was standing under — not yours! He took the money so he could bring Normalade along!

      And that meant he'd never really cared for Lucy at all. He'd been toying with her all the time, keeping his eyes on Normalade, and the two of them just waiting their chance!

      They'd come away together while Lucy cried for him.

      She stood helpless, staring at Normalade. It was all gone, everything! Uncle Bob was dead. The bar was lost. And now even her self-respect was under Normalade's little boots. Lucy's one last sweet memory, her poor little dream — it was dirtied and ruined.

      She'd been a fool. All the time, he'd been — no, they'd both laughing at her. All that sweet talk, while they'd been sneering at her behind her back!

      For a minute, Lucy really couldn't stand it!

      And it was at that moment when Normalade opened the door. "Go on," she said, "Get out of here. Run on home with your tail between your legs and tell that bitch sister of mine she can have your dumb brother and his peanut dick. I don't want him any more, so tell her to enjoy my leavings."

      And Lucy felt so horrible that she actually did as she was told and went out in the hall and stood there.

      Normalade snarled, "Tell Swan she can have my dirty underwear, too, if she wants it!" And she slammed the door so hard that the sound echoed up and down the hallway. And the whole building grew silent again, listening.

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