LOTZA FUNNY STUFF IN OUR E-MAIL A tip of our E-Zine bonnet to Sallie, Dan, Diane, and Jesse for this month's e-jokes (This is your holiday Bonus Pack; we've been collecting these for quite a while.)

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE? You know you must live in California when . . . You make over $250,000 a year and still can't afford to buy a house. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. You know how to eat an artichoke. You drive to your neighborhood block party. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. You know you must live in New York when . . . You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. You can see the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building, but you've never been there. (Applies mostly to Natives of NYC) You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. You think Central Park is "nature." You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. You've worn out a car horn. You think eye contact is an act of aggression. You know you must live in Alaska when . . . You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco. Halloween costumes fit over parkas. You have more than one recipe for moose. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. You know you live in the Deep South when . . . You get a movie and bait in the same store. You know that "ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?" "He needed killin' " is a valid defense in court. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy-Bob, Jimmy-Bob, Buddy-Joe, Mary-Sue, Betty-Jean, Sally-Mae, etc.