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YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER? 60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. People in Chicago plant gardens. 50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Chicago sunbathe.  40 above zero: Italian & English cars won't start. People in Chicago drive with the windows down. 32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. Lake Michigan's water just gets a little thicker. 20 above zero: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, scarves, wool hats. People in Chicago throw on a flannel shirt. 15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Chicago have "the last cookout before it gets cold." The thermometer hits Zero: People in Miami all die...Chicagoans close the windows. 10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Chicago get out their winter coats. 25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Chicago are selling cookies door to door. 40 below zero: Washington, DC runs out of hot air. People in Chicago let the dog sleep indoors. 100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Chicagoans get frustrated because; they, can't start their car. 460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). People in Chicago start saying..."Cold 'nuff for ya?" 500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Cubs win the World Series! Hey, Chicagoans, you hardy souls, don't get mad. It was just your turn!
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