You Got It Now! — The Jokes Page! The 'Zine takes off its hat to Joyce (in Colorado!) for sending these!

Hey Coloradans . . . You switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in one day. You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means. Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains. You're a meat eating vegetarian. The bike on your car is worth more than your car. You use a down comforter in the summer because you have the a/c on at 55 degrees. You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching. You install security lights on your house and garage but leave all the doors unlocked. You think the major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer. You carry jumper cables in the car and your kids know how to use them. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. Driving is better in the winter cause the pot holes are filled with snow. You know all 4 seasons "almost winter, winter, still winter and "construction". You can never figure out why your out of town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains. You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow. You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz. Your car insurance costs more than your car. You have surge protectors on every outlet. April showers bring May blizzards. You see someone riding a Harley in a downpour, and you look closer to see if it's anyone you know. And it is. 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been. You know what a 'Chinook' is. You know what a 'Rocky Mountain oyster' is. You know what a 'fourteener' is. But you don't know what a 'turn signal' is. A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you. That bear might be your Aunt Maud, from Alaska out for an afternoon stroll. (All that fuzzy stuff? She's a softie.) Your golf bag includes a lightning-rod. You know who Alfred Packer was. You know who Baby Doe Tabor was. People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange. Thunder has set off your car alarm. You have an $800 stereo in a $300 truck. A sudden loss of cabin pressure is no big deal. You think a red light means 3 more cars can go. You know where Doc Holliday's grave is. You know where Buffalo Bill's grave is. You know where the real 'South Park' is. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight. Driving directions usually include the phrase, 'After you go over ____ Pass...' You've used 'checking for ticks' as an excuse to get someone naked. Right now, you're dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka. You've gone skiing in July. You've gone sunbathing in January. And most important . . . You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream. You actually understand all these jokes. That's all for now. (Can I use your spare sleeping bag? The bear's using mine.) Heh-heh Okay, that's it unless you want . . .More than a year of MORE Jokes COVER  •  Contents  •  < PREV Page  •  NEXT Page >