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Three for the holidays
Talking Dog
Guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
So he rings the bell and the owner says the dog's in the back yard. And he goes in the back yard and there's the dog. "You talk?" he says.
Old hound dog looks up and says, "Yep, I do."
"So, what's the story?" 
Dog says, "Well, I discovered my gift pretty young, and I wanted to help the government, so I went to the CIA about my talent, and pretty soon I was jetting around the world, eavesdropping on spies and world leaders, because no one thought to suspect a dog. Worked for them about eight years, and I can't tell you how many wars I prevented.
"But, later . . . I wasn't getting any younger, so I got a job at the airport doing security work. Uncovered some smuggling, busted up a drug ring — avoided a bunch of bombings and stuff like that. . . Till finally I got married, and then we had a mess of puppies. So now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes into the house and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten bucks and he's yours."
"Ten bucks," the guy says. "Why you selling him so cheap?"
Owner says, "Fooled you, didn't he! He's such a liar. He never did any of those things!"
Blonde Joke
Blonde had two dogs.
Guy says to her, "What do you call them?"
She says, "Rolex and Timex."
"Funny names for dogs."
Oh no — they're watch dogs."
Perfect Joke (. . .this one's for the guys)
Once upon a time, a perfect man met a perfect woman and they fell in love and had a perfect courtship and a perfect wedding. And their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, the perfect couple
was driving their perfect car along a winding road,
when they saw someone at the side of the road in
distress. Being perfect, they stopped to help.
And there was Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.
So not wanting to disappoint any children on
Christmas Eve, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his
toys into their vehicle and went off to deliver the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and
the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.
Only one of them survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
Answer: The perfect woman survived.
She's the only one
who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows
there is no Santa Claus, and there's no such thing as
a perfect man.
Women: Stop reading now, this is the end of the
joke.
Men: keep reading . . . because if there's no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the
woman must have been driving. Which explains why there
was a car accident.
Men: keep reading
Women: By the way, if you're still
reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen.
Hee-hee!
Okay, that's it unless you want . . .More than a year of MORE Jokes
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