Yay! SPRING these JOKES on Everybody! Funny stuff for you & your buds (Thanks to Diane and Carl for these.)

NOT A JEWISH JOKE Woman and her husband were arguing about who would make the coffee in the morning. He said, "You are supposed to do the cooking. YOU make the coffee!" She said, "You're always criticising my coffee. YOU make the coffee!" He said, "But you always make the breakfast. YOU should make the coffee!" She said, "But you always get up earlier than I do, and you want your coffee when you get up. YOU make the coffee!" He said, "But I don't LIKE to do it. YOU make the coffee!" She said, "But the Bible SAYS you are supposed to make the coffee!" He shouted, "WHAT?" So she opened the Bible and showed him the chapters that said he ought to be the one making the coffee. And he had to admit she was right. The Bible said "HEBREWS." (But who do you think made the coffee?) WORDS OF GRATE WISDOM The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?" Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Get the last word in: Apologize. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. Some people are like Slinkies . . .. not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to? Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. Why is it that a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue? If you don't send these to at least 63 people.... who cares? Hee-hee! Okay, that's it unless you want . . .A whole bunch MORE Jokes COVER  •  Contents  •  < PREV Page  •  NEXT Page >