Yay! Jokes-a-plenty! Lotza Funny stuff! (Thank Joyce, Anita, and Suzy for these jokes.)

If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience. Let others know when they've invaded your territory. Take naps. Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. (Oops! Jokemonger can't do that. Grass allergy) On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout . . . run right back and make friends. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently. And of you are a cat . . . just be yourself and turn up your nose at the first thing you get for dinner.  If you look pitiful enough and cry enough you will get something better.  Push the right buttons and you will live a life of ease and lots of loving.   A really old one          "Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows. So I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."          Bill Gates replied, "Well thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?          God said, "You take a peek at both places briefly it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?"          "Sure" said Gates, "Let's go!" Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful men and women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. "This is great!" he said. "If this is Hell, I can't wait to see heaven."          God replied, "Let's go!" and so, off they went to Heaven. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell.          Bill Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision. "God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."          "As you desire," said God.          Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill Gates shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How ya doin, Bill?" asked God.          Bill responded with anguish and despair, "This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"          Oh THAT!" said God. "That was the Screen Saver. Hee-hee! Okay, that's it unless you want . . . A whole bunch MORE Jokes COVER  •  Contents  •  < PREV Page  •  NEXT Page >