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HALF-BLIND DATE
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,'
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She actually listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. He did, and they had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . . 'You just happened to catch my eye.'
VERY PUNNY
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Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was fabulous.
- A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Okay, I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
- Two peanuts walk into a bar; one was a salted.
- . A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "One for me, and one for the road."
- Two cows: First one says, "I was artificially inseminated, just this morning." Second one answers, "No way, really?" First cow: "It's true, no bull!"
- An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
NO-VEGETABLES JOKE
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room, talking
about
their life together.
He says to her, "Just so you know, I never want
to
live in a vegetative state, dependent on machines and fluid from a
bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plugs."
His wife says, "Okay, I'll take care of it." And she got up, unplugged the TV, computer, Internet and threw out all the beer.
And that's all. Unless you want . . .Way MORE Jokes
COVER •
Contents •
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